No matter the time that one spends apart from one of the two whom conceived them, they are bound to have their attributes in more than one manner. As for me, it’s a varying story as to how I have become here at this exact moment in time. Yet, there is still one thing that remains, I carrying many of his beautiful, enchanting ways… and, the regretted flaws of his. As I allow my fingers to release my thoughts into the oblivion, I am beyond contemplating how I have allowed certain aspects of him to flow through me, as I so promised myself that this would never be me and that I would never let them shine through me. Although, the current days are leading me to believe that somewhere along the way, I have failed. My greatest fear is failure itself. I am in desperate need of pulling myself back to flush myself , and gain the great amount of strength, one of his flattering tributes, to accomplish the task of life itself. I am in this marvelous relationship, with this absolutely astonishing man who could not love me anymore, and he deserves the best of me, in all aspects. Yet, that is not why I am up, when I should be restoring myself, it is only a mere addition.

I am here, mainly for myself. That may sound selfish, but in this case, if one cannot put the needs of themselves first, they will not be able to accomplish any of their desires or needs. My life has been filled with reacting to the ‘do not let history repeat itself’ voice in my head. I am here to break the cycle of quite a few things. The previous week has put me at a moment of reflections. I wish to say that I am one that does not cry or is able to take on the world without a thought of anything different, sadly, I cannot. I have cried more in the past few weeks than I had in the previous year, I have struggled with allowing myself to be seen by others for as long as I can remember, I have been unable to express myself in even the slightest bit, I have made myself to be this mysterious girl to everyone except myself. I am here now to change that. For myself. I am learning that I am a gorgeous woman inside and out, even though not everyone may feel that way. I am strong and confident in myself and who I am, so why not show me to the world? Completely? The thought that scares me the most tonight, is not the fear of having another nightmare, it’s that I am him. Everyone, all my life, has told me what a spitting image of him I am, and I used to think that it was the most splendid thing that I could have possibly ever heard. And, now, I wish to never hear those words spoken to me again. Because, I am not him, not even in the slightest bit.

I refuse to let him show through me again.

This may take some time to accomplish, but each and every moment of every day, I will be working on letting the world see my man’s virginia bluebell.

I love you, and you are my world. We cannot be exceptional without both of us being great first, so here’s to us.